There is a monster in my head. His name is Felix. Felix the Monster.
Usually, Felix will sit in a cage inside of my brain like a good little monster. He’ll watch me go about my day with a grumpy look on his monster face, arms crossed. He’ll roll his eyes, or scoff, or any manner of judgmental things.
Every morning when I eat breakfast, I have to check on Felix’s cage. I have to make sure he’s locked in tight. He’s like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes if he gets out.
Some mornings, I’ll skip breakfast for some reason. So I’ll forget to check the cage. Thankfully, that’s a rare thing and even then I usually get lucky and Felix is still locked in tight.
Unfortunately, Felix can still get out. He’s a sneaky monster, and even when it’s locked tight he might find a way to get out of the cage. Then, Felix will wreak havoc on my life. He’ll take control of my brain and make me do any number of things. The big ones are cry, scream at people, and break things. The screaming at people is really just screaming at my boyfriend*.
Now, why would I keep such a monster inside of my brain? Because it isn’t easy to get rid of a monster like him. He’s a Depression Monster. They usually come built into brains, making them dysfunctional depending on how active the Monster is. Felix is pretty active, which is why he needs a cage. That cage is medication.
For the love of god, people, don’t judge people that have depression. I am very open about mine – it has made me who I am. I will proudly say I do take medication. But thanks to that medication, I can be a normal, functioning person of society. I can experience things like happiness on a normal person’s scale.
But there are people who aren’t like me. They keep their Monsters hidden away in a dark, wet place because they are ashamed. They think everyone will hate them for having a Monster in their brain.
Be nice to people. You never know who’s got a Monster hiding.
*I put the little asterisk next to boyfriend because I wanted to make a side note about my boyfriend. His name is Mike, we’ve been together since 2009. Yes, even with Felix he has not left my side. He’s used to Felix. I don’t think I ever told him Felix had a name, but that’s besides the point. The real point is that he is one of those special people that has developed the ability to ignore Brain Monsters. I don’t exactly know how he developed this talent, but he tells me it’s some combination of love and patience. Learn to have both, and you too can be regarded as a god amongst men. Those of us with Brain Monsters will respect and like you a lot more.
P.S.: I wrote this because I don’t think I’ve mentioned my depression before. As I said, I’m very open about it, so I feel it needs to be said. Please don’t silently wonder (or ask me) if I’m alright. I am perfectly fine. I’m secretly hoping Felix will be nice to me because I wrote a whole post about him.